Over the weekend, I had an intense conversation with one of my good people. It got deep real fast, like when I said “Hello” kind of fast – Ha. I’ve been thinking about this conversation since and it got me thinking. Why do we lay so much on the line for a relationship? I mean relationships in general not just intimate ones, but friends as well. In a nutshell, she rearranged per plans (done on her own) to meet up with a mutual sista but through poor communication they did not meet up. Why get upset over such a minuscule issue? Is it because we thirst for a connection we never truly had before? Is it because they do not operate within the same parameters? Do we want to control a situation that cannot be controlled? Do we dig deep into our feelings too much when the situation doesn’t call for it? What could it possibly be? The whole thing could have been missed if it was communicated better from point A.
How do we get pass this hump?
During the conversation, it was even said “see this is why women have so hard of a time locating good girlfriends”. The issue I have with this comment is this: NOT all women have an issue with their girlfriends. You may have an issue with 1 but not all. What I have found is that when you are searching for something you tend to pick up the worst case scenario for your purpose. Would you tend to see a person who was born with a silver spoon in their mouths riding around town with a person born in the ghetto? It is possible especially if they befriended each other in school or an organization they are associated with. Outside of those areas, the percentage is closer to zero. The same comparison could be lodged on educational, political, and even artistic levels. Your friends should be similar but different. You should have those moments of solidarity in conjunction with individuality. We lose sight of what we need for taking what is in front of us. If I am not a clubber, why would I befriend a person that can’t stay out the club? It doesn’t fit. Our needs are totally different; we are totally 2 different places in our lives. I’m not going to expose my age, but I enjoy having a good time no matter where I am. In regards to clubs, it was NEVER my scene. I go if it is a birthday party, but just because….NOPE!!! I could have game nights, movie nights, bar nights, lounge nights, going to a dinner, a concert/show, bowling, pool, or whatever. The sky is the limit and we limit ourselves with unlike-minded people that we take as like-minded people. If I am striving to be a Creative Director and you are content with being a cashier, how could we co-exist as friends? This is in no way a hit on a person that is a cashier. I was a cashier when I first started working but I always wanted to be more. I do not want to keep struggling. If we are not feeding off of each other to be better and do better then what is the point?
Now, of course, the situation would be different if we knew each other before status, money, and experience took place. Sometimes conflict occurs when those changes occur. Some people feel left out or discarded. You feel this way because you want things to stay the same when everything evolves. It’s not my job to make you feel better but to support you in what you need in order to be/feel better. I am your support system not your means for happiness. Relationships embody so much more than being their for good and bad times. Friends/Loved Ones/Partners are your voice of reason, your support system, your hang out partners, and your honesty button. Not everyone will fit the bill. You have to weave through and find your gem. So, my advice would be – take your time and find out who is truly worth it. We tell women that in regards to men so why not do that with women? I learned long ago to watch people before you do anything. They will show you who they are and then you can act accordingly. That is why those labels of Associate, friend, BFF were put into place. Everyone cannot be the BFF. Use your categories and you will see what happens. For me, everyone starts out as an Associate and works their way up (if they make it). I’ve even had some that dropped down the line. It is always a work in progress and through the years sometimes who you are doesn’t fit who they are anymore. It happens.