I’m still here…tired but here

For weeks now, I have been looking for a new place to live.  I almost forgot how much time and effort it took to locate the “perfect” place.  I go to view apartments and condos on my lunch breaks through the week and on Saturdays.  I’ve been feeling so drained and at a loss of focus.  My job is driving me insane.  Being single is driving me insane.  Watching people with less experience get ahead as I continue on the same “turtle” path is driving me insane.  I’ve trying to complete this nature piece for a friend and it’s driving me insane that I do not have a moment to complete it.  When I do, it is time to go to bed so I can be rested for the next work day.  When I come home and help with kids that I did not enjoy making is driving me insane.  I love my nieces and nephews but when the responsibility isn’t mine I should be able to step back.  That is why it is so crucial that I find a place that fits exactly what I am looking for in this time of my life.  *It has been too long and it amazes me that I didn’t notice sooner.*   I need my creative juices to start flowing again.  I am at a stand still because I do not have the time to think.  I only have the time to do.  I need to get back to my WCC blog and completing my fine art pieces.  I need to get back to constructing my own place in this world.  It’s been placed on the back burner long enough.  I have to go to sleep at night in order to escape but when I wake the day starts all over again.

I didn’t realize how tired I was until I got out of my hot milk bath and was feeling weak.  I knew right then that I was physically tired and had been neglecting myself.  This weekend’s trip to Puerto Rico is going to be enjoyed from the moment I drive towards the airport to the moment I land back at O’hare.  I need to feel the sand in between my toes, the ocean breeze in my curls, and the sun rays beating on my face.  I need to remember that it is OK to take a moment and rest.  I have 4 books that I have to read and time it a wasting (like Erykah Badu’s song).

It is OK to have ambition, drive, and that “fire in the belly”.  When you get to the point where you forget about you, then you need to take a few minutes to recoup and jump back in.  I would love to have artistic visions flow from my mind and magically end up on paper, but it doesn’t work out that way.  I know what I need to do in order to get it right.

So…Hydrate.  Rest Up.  Keep going.

 

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